The Royal County Arbiter

01 August 2005


Whilst buying some cheap, mediocre chocolate in my local extremely-budget supermarket Lidl, I came across a flyer promoting the chain's housepet-related goods. One product in particular caught my Arbiter eye.

Opticat logo, found in Lidl

Attracted at first by this excellent name, I was happy to discover a diagram on the packaging, reproduced on the flyer. It presents OptiCat's trio of selling-points.

Opticat informative diagram

I really like this diagram. The graphical representation of "Optimal nutritional balance" looks like a detail from a Stereolab record sleeve. Also note the radioactive cat in the centre, and the wonderfully oversimplified rendering of how furballs are formed. I don't know whether the red arrow is supposed to aid understanding, or just make the picture a bit more colourful.

Sadly, OptiCat does not have its own website. Instead, here is some advice on hairballs.


Anonymous monkhouse!terror?:

It appears that OptiCat gives your cat 'more circles' instead of an optimal nutritional balance, I hope they rectify this so people aren't fooled into thinking they're buying something nutritional and end up with circley cats. Anyone who is concerned about OptiCat should buy my new rival catfood, BIZARROCAT, which makes your cat everything a cat isn't.

12:38 am  
Blogger Darrell:

The "ideal weight" diagram surely instead represents an aerial view of a cat-murder crime scene? Note the red chalk to indicate 'cat'.

"Opticat. It murders your pets."

Oh, and that 'chalk outline' key in full:

WHITE: men, women, and big recently-shaved gorillas mistaken for fat men
RED: cats, Satan, Super Mario
BLUE: whales and sharks but only when represented in cartoon form
GREEN: turtles, frogs, people who have been dead for a very long time
YELLOW: Big Bird

7:29 pm  
Anonymous routard:

"oh hurry up in there!"

*do you mind i'm taking a shit!

9:31 pm  
Blogger Russ:

Has anyone else noticed how the OptiCat cat only has one leg?

1:58 pm  
Blogger aaron19bryson:

damn good blog, check out mine, comments always welcome!

11:45 am  
Blogger Sparkling Las Vegas:

But have you also noticed that Ideal Weight Opticat has two ordinary, cat like legs at the back and some weird kind of mono-leg with a bizarre cat sized cuban heeled boot on. Opticat is scaring my kids.

9:09 pm  
Anonymous Flor:

Hey guys, what did I tell you:


4:22 pm  

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